“We must build dikes of courage to hold back the flood of fear.” -Martin Luther King Jr.

I am currently in Bangkok and although my "vacation" is not over, I thought it was important that I post now to let you all know about my whereabouts at this time. As I'm sure you know, at this time most of Bangkok is completely underwater. Many have lost their lives and others have lost their homes and possessions. Thousands have been displaced and are fleeing the city. Where am I? I am currently sitting in my hotel room on Sukhumvit Road in Bangkok eating gross, cold potatoes and drinking a warm beer, ready to tell you about my adventures over the last few days. 

Coming right out of finals week, I was complete and total toast on Thursday. I was stressed out of my mind and an emotional, overworked wreck. Thursday was Liz and Hillary’s last night in Chiang Mai. Even though I had to be up at 5:15 the next morning, had a take home exam to work on, and needed to pack for a my trip to Koh Chang, I WENT OUT and got very intoxicated. It was wonderful. Then, I stayed awake trying to pack my bag, slightly drunk, until it was time to leave.

Friday morning, running on no sleep at all and a bowl of cornflakes, I hopped into the song-tao with Liz, Hillary, Claire and Asha for our last time together. We made our flight just in the nick of time after having to shift some of our stuff into each other’s bags so that we didn’t go over the weight limit (NO MOM AND DAD, NOT ME. I didn’t over pack so ha. SO. HA. I knew what you were thinking…) I slept the hour to Bangkok, and woke up to people staring at me because it was time to get off the plane. At this point, we ran around the airport (at one point losing Hillary on a travelator…don’t ask. It was my fault) until we found a van service that would drive us the 6 hours to the ferry, take us on the ferry, and drop us at our hotel once on the island of Koh Chang all for only 20 US dollars! The car ride was a sleepy blur, but when we arrived at the shore and got on the ferry, I was totally awake and ready to greet the ocean air. I admired the horizon from the ferry with my friends and as we disembarked, Koh Chang welcomed us with a rainbow. Paradise. We arrived at our hotel and although my bungalow was kind of grimy, the resort itself was right on the beach, and had beautiful amenities. The view from our mountainside tree house over the ocean was breathtaking enough to make me forget about how yucky the inside was, and for 11 US dollars a night in paradise, I wasn’t about to complain that my room was somewhat gross.  I was exhausted and hungry, so I grabbed dinner at the hotel before crashing for the night. I couldn’t wait to wake up and greet the new day!

Saturday, I woke up around 9:30 and rolled on down the mountain to the lobby for a wonderful continental breakfast, of course, OVER LOOKING THE OCEAN. We then sauntered over to the pool, which, yes, is RIGHT ON THE OCEAN and spent the day hopping from the pool to the ocean. The water was so warm, and clear and blue. I made sure to put on sunscreen so I didn’t even get burned! The weather was the perfect temperature and I loved every minute of playing and splashing with my friends. Unfortunately, I still had a take home exam to complete by Monday so around 1, I took a break from all the fun and decided to sit in the lobby of the hotel, over looking the ocean and crank out a good amount of work for the next three hours. Honestly, even exams in paradise aren’t so bad. I then showered and got ready for dinner and my friends and I went out for a delicious, and cheap, Thai dinner followed by hour-long massages. After, we wandered into a treehouse bar and got free shish kabobs. We weren’t interested in drinking so we called it an early night and walked back on the beach to our hotel. Along the way, we stopped at a party where flashing lights, great music and fire twirlers enticed us. We danced in the waves and looked like fools. Like I said…paradise. 

view from our bungalows 

the beautiful beach

nicer rooms than ours at the resort

our bungalows

Just a quick note: the hotel was beautiful but our bungalows were GNARLEY. Truly grody. That's what you get for $11 US dollars a night, but I just didn't expect to wake up to 3 or more lizards the as large as a men's size 13 shoe in my bathroom every morning. If you ever do choose to go there are you aren't a 20-year-old student who can't afford much...I suggest you upgrade. 

Sunday was actually quite interesting. Although it was mostly another day of lounging around where my hardest decision was whether to lay beside the ocean or the pool, the day took an usual turn around 5 pm. My friend Liz tells the story best in her blog...It's been edited for the sake of my grandparents who I know reads this blog....HI MEE-MEE, POPPY, and GRANDMA!! Love you all. But anyway: 

“’a monkey stare-down’ is what ill call it. but it was less of a stare-down and more of a “monkey intimidates the [BANANAS] out of humans and they run screaming”.. but ill tell it.. so zoey decided she was tired of the sun for one day and wanted to go up to our bungalows. a few minutes later, i get a phone call from zoey whispering safely from inside her bungalow, that there are monkeys on her porch and she just had a pleasant interaction where they handed her some sticks and she handed them back. so we sprung up out of our beach chairs and tip toed as fast and silently as we could up the stairs to meet the monkeys. and there on the side of my bungalow was a monkey eating some sticks, and then another one and another one and a baby. MONKEYS!!! we were excited and tried to combine all the information we had from planet earth episodes, discovery channel shows and instinct so that we could make friends with our monkey neighbors. we each walked in a straight line toward the monkey with zoey, the monkey’s first friend, in the lead. they didn’t seem to be phased by our presence, so when the monkey looked at zoey and itched his side she thought it would be a sign of friendship to do the same. because ya know.. when approaching an animal the best way to open dialogue would be to imitate it right? i mean who knows. do they really teach you that on the discovery channel? probably. but if you werent paying attention when watching that episode of Man vs. Wild when he told you how to interact with a monkey ill give you a peice of advice, DONT TRY TO IMITATE IT. IT WONT LAUGH, IT WONT THINK YOUR CUTE AND ASK FOR YOUR PHONE NUMBER. instead, expect the once peaceful monkey chewing on sticks to immediately express the animal instinct that permeates its entire being. it was honestly fascinating and scary all at the same time. after zoeys gesture, the monkey looked straight at her and leaped a good five steps forward so that it was staring straight at us. and when i say “staring” i mean looking at us with the utmost confidence that he could kill us all however he liked whenever he liked. we took off screaming. it was impressive to see how quickly the monkey could respond to the thought of an intruder or a danger, it was amazing and scary to say the least. it took us awhile to get over that one. but as we made it safely back to zoey’s porch we looked out on the jungle that surrounded us. from the porch we could see over ten monkeys fighting with eachother and we even saw two monkeys having sex!!! before the other monkeys leaped on top, broke up the public sexual encounter and started yelling at eachother. i couldnt tell you what goes on in their social dynamics or what the [heck] was happening but nature is pretty amazing and i believe that we all share the same instinct as animals do (they choose to eat, sleep, fight, protect) , ours just may lead to more complex actions (text, eat, smoke weed, watch a movie, sleep, take an airplane to another country, pierce your nose) and sometimes the best thing humans can do is to understand the world we ALL come from and simplify our instincts away from our man-made world and closer to the world that was given to us.” 

The most I can add to that is simply: Monkey see, monkey DON’T. Also, read more of Liz's blog by clicking this link --> Elizabeth Horwitz's blog!

Just for the record, this is almost exactly the face the monkey made before lunging at us...his was much more menacing and kind of looked like a "HOW DARE YOU?!" face

Monday and Tuesday were basically a relaxing blur full of sea-side massages and sipping out of coconuts. However, between all the lounging and dining out, Liz and I had quite a tiff. Like all difficult situations though, an important lesson came out of it. What I learned was that sometimes, the people we love the most are those that we also lash out at the most. It's a safe place because you know no matter how badly you act, that person will not abandon you. Often, we forget in doing this that people give us their hearts hoping that we will handle them with care. Between the stress she was experiencing about possibly not making it to Bangkok to get her important documents and my anxiety over her impending departure to Cambodia for the rest of the semester, we both exploded at the people we love the most, each other. After avoiding the topic all day, we finally talked it out later that night and had a good cry in a total of ten minutes. With real friends, that's all it takes. I know you're reading this. I love you Liz. Be safe in Cambodia. You know you are so, so missed. 

Liz and I sipping coconuts by the pool

Hillary by the sunset

On that note, Liz is going abroad next semester to Spain and needed to acquire a visa (in person) from the Spanish embassy here in Bangkok before she departs for Cambodia for the remainder of the semester on Saturday. We had been vacationing on the Thai island of Koh Chang since Friday and had been planning to leave the island and go to Bangkok on Wednesday so that Liz could make it to the embassy on Thursday before it closed. We had heard many stories of how terrible the conditions in Bangkok were, but knew that if Liz did not get her visa, her plans for next semester would be ruined, so we took a chance. Wednesday morning Liz, Hillary, Claire and I packed our bags, ate our last delicious complimentary breakfast at the resort and sat in the lobby to wait for our ride to the ferry into the mainland. Claire was beginning to panic  after we received news that drinking water was becoming difficult to come across in Bangkok, she called her parents to ask for their advice. They encouraged her to stay on the island and after much deliberation, she asked the van driver to pull over and let her off. (Don't worry everyone, she didn't stay on the island alone. She met up with four other girls from our group at another resort). Claire hugged Liz and Hillary in a hurried goodbye and rushed off so she did not further upset the other passengers who feared they would miss their flights. At this point, Liz, Hillary and I looked at each other and reached out to one another. We were alone on our way into a disaster zone.

I'm sure some of you are wondering what would make us do this voluntarily. We wondered this ourselves. Despite the news, we thought that it would be better to be closer to the airport and have to leave Bangkok if the time came than not be able to get into Bangkok at all and be unable to reach the airport. Also, Liz was pretty determined to come and attempt to get her visa after calling the embassy multiple times to check that it was still open and we could not let her go into the city alone. I think this is when I realized what real friendship is. 

Anyway, we got on the ferry, shaken, and walked up on the deck. We sat looking out at the water as we pulled away from our safe paradise. A few minutes into the ride, Hillary called her mother and left her a message and I followed. When we finished informing our loved ones of our travel plans we sat together and tried not to think about what we were doing. Then, Liz began to cry. She felt guilty for bringing us into this situation and for making her parents worry. As we talked on, the three of us cried together and realized that we were becoming adults in that moment. All each of us wanted was to reach out to our parents and to feel safe. We wanted someone to swoop in and save us from the unknown conditions ahead. But that was not going to happen. All we had was each other, and ourselves. That had to be good enough, and it was. We hugged and cried together, realizing that we were entering adulthood by making our own choices in a life-and-death situation for the first time. We were facing completely unknown, unstable circumstances with no guidance, support, or protection. All we had was faith was in each other. 

After the ferry, we sat through a long, uncomfortable van ride with eight other strangers and our driver, Boss. Groggy and and frightened, we got out of the van at the International Bangkok airport and caught a cab to our hotel. When we arrived at Boss Suites, we were comforted to see clear skies, many bottles of water and luxury. For the moment, we were out of harms way. Our part of Thailand was not flooded and we planned to get Liz's visa in the morning. For the night though, it was time to unwind. We decided to do so by wandering the streets of Bangkok, past many-a-prostitute until we found an Irish pub. We went inside and decided to order the most expensive items on the menu and lots of beer, just in case we really were going to die on Friday. After a few drinks and a delicious steak sandwich, the girls and I headed back to our hotel for the night. We had survived our first day in Bangkok. I slept easily. 

We got up bright and early the next morning to another sunny day in Bangkok and headed out to the Spanish Embassy. While Liz was inside, Hillary and I entertained ourselves by riding the elevator up and down the 27 floors multiple times, beat boxing in the waiting room, and being taken on a wild goose chase around the building to find the answer to a question about our proximity to a certain street, only to be taken back to the Spanish embassy for the answer. Luckily, Liz's visa application was accepted so we went out to lunch to celebrate. The day was still young so we walked around the near by area and explored. We came upon a small hair salon and on a whim, I decided to have extensions put in my hair to later have turned into dreadlocks. Looking back, I think "facing death" made me a little impulsive, but I'm ready for dreads and ready for change. Liz and Hillary got manicures and lunch in the meantime and for the afternoon at least, the floods weren't on our minds. Exhausted, we went back to our hotel and decided to spend the night in. We bought hair dye, ordered room service, and put on Everything Is Illuminated. I dyed the girls' hair and attempted to give myself dreads (hahaha) before finally sitting down with my cold room service left overs and warm beer to write this post.

my extensions pre-dreadlocking 

the girls and I while they had their hair dye on and I had my hair in knots to try and dread it haha

To be honest, I don't know what will happen tomorrow. It is the day expected to have the worst flooding and the entire city is said to be in danger. My flight is not until Saturday. I will keep you posted. 

Please read this article and keep yourselves up to date on the situation here. 

Article Link

I ask you to pray for Bangkok and for all those who have been affected in some way by the floods. 

Love,

Zoey

“What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.” -T.S. Eliot

Today's Mood Music: Burmese Refugee Children
New Flickr Photos to come

I know I've been gone for quite some time, I myself don't even know where I've been, really. On my second trip to the border of Burma my whole life was changed. I felt like I literally lost my mind, and I didn't really find it until about five minutes ago. So here I am, back again. Ready to tell you about the last 21 days of my life. More or less. Well, at least the important parts. They have been a hectic, busy blur and somehow, I found myself in the chaos. I'm doing all right. 

Between my Globalization in Mainland Southeast Asia class and Human Rights Abuses class, I made two trips to the border of Burma during the course of two weeks, for a total of 7 days and 6 nights. I visited several different border towns and each trip brought me VERY different experiences.

My first experience of the Burmese border was that of a tourist (take a look at my new Flickr album in about a week to see all of the wondrous sights I was able to enjoy). After another 5 hour long, windy car ride up the mountains into the northern most part of Thailand, we found our way to the Golden Triangle, where Burma, Thailand and Laos meet. We ate at cute little restaurants, stayed in quaint guests houses, visited a series of museums about the history of opium, indigenous peoples of Thailand, and people celebrated as Martyrs, shopped along the border in local markets, took in breathtaking scenery, and visited beautiful temples, including one that is not a functional wat, but a work of art. It was a joy to be there and I felt so fortunate to experience a part of Thailand so rich in Burmese culture. It wasn't until the following weekend that I fully understood why this part of Thailand was so touched by Burmese influence. 

My second weekend on the border was much more serious. There was nothing touristy about it. I was thrown head first into one of the most difficult experiences of my life. This was when I lost my mind. Before I begin, I must tell you that I am extremely restricted on what I can disclose about the trip. Because of the political climate here in Southeast Asia, I am not permitted to post pictures or tell you exactly where I went, who I met with, or what I did that weekend to protect those who risked their lives in order to share their stories with us. What I can do, hopefully, will bring you as much information and compassion for these people as possible despite the restrictions imposed on my post. I appreciate your understanding.

I visited several NGOs committed to helping free Burmese political prisoners, helping Burmese migrant workers in Thailand defend themselves legally against violence, abuse and impunity, and groups committed to spreading the message of Burma and the political turmoil there. We heard personal accounts from former political prisoners who are still working to free their friends and family. We had the honor of meeting men and women who fight day in and day out to protect migrant workers from regular abuse, extortion, and violence. We met people who risk their lives on a daily basis to release information about the trouble in Burma to the media despite Burma's crackdown on outgoing media from the country. Their bravery, hope and determination in the face of a seemingly unalterable system are so inspiring. No matter how horrible the conditions are in Burma, these people wake up everyday and attempt to better the lives of all Burmese and global citizens. They are the kind of human beings we can all only aspire to be.

I then had the privilege of visiting a clinic where Burmese refugees are treated for everything from malnutrition to injuries from land mines. I saw women who had just given birth to two pound babies, men and women with infection, disease, missing limbs, missing eyes...it was horrendous. It was literally nothing like I'd ever seen before. We walked up and down the rows of beds, just staring at these people, trying to fully take in what we were seeing. They stared right back at us. White, American students aren't usual visitors there. It was strange. To us, they were such an oddity, such a new sight. Yet to them, we were just as jarring to see. It also made me consider how very grateful I am that my mother is battling ovarian cancer in America where the health care is significantly better and over all conditions are superior.

The following day, we visited a refugee camp. I cannot tell you which one or where it was, but I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to visit this beautiful place. The people are all political refugees from Burma who have been there for over 20 years. The children we met had lived their entire lives within the walls of the camp, without ever leaving. When we arrived, we were led to an assembly where the camp leader shared some Burmese history in order for us to better understand the political climate there and later help Burma by spreading their tale of misery and hardship. When he finished speaking, the most powerful moment of my entire trip happened. The children sang. They sang of god and hope and love and how their faith carried them through their hardship. Many of us were brought to tears. I did not expect such a beautiful, powerful, harmonious sound to emerge from their tiny bodies, but I was completely blown away.

The entire trip, I had been questioning my own faith and wondering how the God I love so much could allow such devastation for such innocent people. However, when I saw the faith that the people of the camp carry in their hearts, I was completely refilled for my love of God and I felt strong. I was still feeling lost, and had a LOT to think about and process, but I felt capable of coming out of it on the other side a stronger, more capable and compassionate human being. I knew that I had to, Burma was depending on me. It is depending on us all. I felt filled with the strength and love of God and felt compelled to apply it to those in my life who need my strength right now. So many of us here are struggling emotionally and facing our own demons because we finally have distance from their origin. My friends are strong for me and I am strong for them. At home, my parents are strong for me, and I am strong for them. I remembered this beautiful symbiosis and in my weakest moment, I was filled with the knowing that I had the strength I needed to care for those in my life as well as for myself.

After all of that, I was so emotionally and physically exhausted, but was thrown straight into two weeks of preparing for finals. I had a 20 page paper about the abuse of migrant workers in Thailand, 2 take home finals, a Thai speech to prepare, and a Thai sit-down final to prepare for (not all of which is over with yet). Not to mention, my two best friends here are preparing to leave. Between all of that, my mom's health taking a (hopefully temporary) turn for the worst, and a tiny bit of social drama here, I was drowning. I was totally beaten down. I'm still not fully recovered. In the face of all that I was dealing with, I retreated. I turned into my school work, stopped exploring, stopped going out, stopped hanging out with my closest friends, and did everything I could to avoid my true feelings. I completely disconnected from myself and my emotions and my mind. Until today. It's time to stop. I am about to leave for a weeks vacation with 7 amazing girls from my trip, including my two very very close friends who are leaving for Cambodia at the end of the week. We are going to the island of Koh Chang, to hop from resort to resort and play on the beach! Although I will still have one take home final to complete, and still need to sort through all of the emotions I have been feeling here, I cannot shy away from what hurts me. I have 1 week left with two of the people I love most. I need to embrace the pain I feel over losing them. I need to embrace my struggle with what I've seen here and on the border of Burma. I need to embrace the fact that I am changing. I am seeing things that I like and don't like about myself. I am becoming a new person. I am learning patience and seeing that change takes time. I am growing and blossoming every second and truly coming into myself. Why would I want to run away from that? I don't. It's time to face these things head on. Embrace. Accept. Eb. Flow. This part of my trip is ending, and things are about to change drastically as the next quarter begins…the work load will increase, two people I love will no longer be here, and the whole dynamic of the group is bound to change some.  In spite of this, I need to move forward fearlessly and embrace the change coming my way on my second half of my trip here. The strangest part is I can feel it all coming. Everything is building up to something. I just need to be patient.

At this point, I would like to ask you all to do me a favor. Educate yourselves on the issues in Burma. Then, pay it forward. It would mean the world to me if you would watch this video I’m linking below and then forward it to your friends and family. Then, ask them to do the same, and so on. Burma is extremely restricted in terms of media, and it is rare for such footage to leave the country. It is important that we speak for those that cannot speak for themselves. By helping Burma through this political turmoil, we are helping the world become a more peaceful place. Help me help them. Let’s do this together.


Movie Link...pay it forward, folks.

Be sure to look out for another blog post in about a week where I share with you all about my travels on the beautiful, tropical island of Koh Chang and talk about saying goodbye to two of the best friends I could ever hope to have. Until then, my lovely readers!! xo

So yeah...

Hey all! It's finals week and I have a 20 page research paper to do, two take home finals and a sit down final in the next 8 days...I promise I'll post as soon as I can. Unfortunately I have a lot of restrictions on what I am allowed to say about my trip to Burma because of the security threat to those who risked their lives to talk to us, so it's taking me longer than I had expected. Look out for a post in the next few days! So sorry to keep you hanging!!

love you!!
xo

Aaaaaand, I'm off!

Alright folks, I'm off! I'm making my second trip to the border of Myanmar. I'll be back on Saturday evening, so you can expect a post from me about my two trips to the border on Monday!! Until then...enjoy.

Love,
Zoey

Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken

Today's Mood Music: Run by Vampire Weekend
Hello all!

This past weekend, I took a four day trip to the border of Myanmar (formally known as Burma). We did a LOT of amazing things and I am actually still working on my post about it. I'm quite busy this week and I am preparing to return to the border of Myanmar this coming weekend for another class trip, so the post is taking longer to complete than I had hoped. In the meantime, I thought I would take an opportunity share some images I came across that I found insightful and pertinent to my trip as well a song that I love with all of you. I feel that the images, words, and song combined really capture my vibe well and I'm hoping you can feel it too through sharing them.

Enjoy!
xo

(this last one is definitely pertinent since I am considering dreadlock extensions. All the fun of dread locks, but removable!! heehee!!)