New Flickr Photos to come
I know I've been gone for quite some time, I myself don't even know where I've been, really. On my second trip to the border of Burma my whole life was changed. I felt like I literally lost my mind, and I didn't really find it until about five minutes ago. So here I am, back again. Ready to tell you about the last 21 days of my life. More or less. Well, at least the important parts. They have been a hectic, busy blur and somehow, I found myself in the chaos. I'm doing all right.
Between my Globalization in Mainland Southeast Asia class and Human Rights Abuses class, I made two trips to the border of Burma during the course of two weeks, for a total of 7 days and 6 nights. I visited several different border towns and each trip brought me VERY different experiences.
My first experience of the Burmese border was that of a tourist (take a look at my new Flickr album in about a week to see all of the wondrous sights I was able to enjoy). After another 5 hour long, windy car ride up the mountains into the northern most part of Thailand, we found our way to the Golden Triangle, where Burma, Thailand and Laos meet. We ate at cute little restaurants, stayed in quaint guests houses, visited a series of museums about the history of opium, indigenous peoples of Thailand, and people celebrated as Martyrs, shopped along the border in local markets, took in breathtaking scenery, and visited beautiful temples, including one that is not a functional wat, but a work of art. It was a joy to be there and I felt so fortunate to experience a part of Thailand so rich in Burmese culture. It wasn't until the following weekend that I fully understood why this part of Thailand was so touched by Burmese influence.
My second weekend on the border was much more serious. There was nothing touristy about it. I was thrown head first into one of the most difficult experiences of my life. This was when I lost my mind. Before I begin, I must tell you that I am extremely restricted on what I can disclose about the trip. Because of the political climate here in Southeast Asia, I am not permitted to post pictures or tell you exactly where I went, who I met with, or what I did that weekend to protect those who risked their lives in order to share their stories with us. What I can do, hopefully, will bring you as much information and compassion for these people as possible despite the restrictions imposed on my post. I appreciate your understanding.
I visited several NGOs committed to helping free Burmese political prisoners, helping Burmese migrant workers in Thailand defend themselves legally against violence, abuse and impunity, and groups committed to spreading the message of Burma and the political turmoil there. We heard personal accounts from former political prisoners who are still working to free their friends and family. We had the honor of meeting men and women who fight day in and day out to protect migrant workers from regular abuse, extortion, and violence. We met people who risk their lives on a daily basis to release information about the trouble in Burma to the media despite Burma's crackdown on outgoing media from the country. Their bravery, hope and determination in the face of a seemingly unalterable system are so inspiring. No matter how horrible the conditions are in Burma, these people wake up everyday and attempt to better the lives of all Burmese and global citizens. They are the kind of human beings we can all only aspire to be.
I then had the privilege of visiting a clinic where Burmese refugees are treated for everything from malnutrition to injuries from land mines. I saw women who had just given birth to two pound babies, men and women with infection, disease, missing limbs, missing eyes...it was horrendous. It was literally nothing like I'd ever seen before. We walked up and down the rows of beds, just staring at these people, trying to fully take in what we were seeing. They stared right back at us. White, American students aren't usual visitors there. It was strange. To us, they were such an oddity, such a new sight. Yet to them, we were just as jarring to see. It also made me consider how very grateful I am that my mother is battling ovarian cancer in America where the health care is significantly better and over all conditions are superior.
The following day, we visited a refugee camp. I cannot tell you which one or where it was, but I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to visit this beautiful place. The people are all political refugees from Burma who have been there for over 20 years. The children we met had lived their entire lives within the walls of the camp, without ever leaving. When we arrived, we were led to an assembly where the camp leader shared some Burmese history in order for us to better understand the political climate there and later help Burma by spreading their tale of misery and hardship. When he finished speaking, the most powerful moment of my entire trip happened. The children sang. They sang of god and hope and love and how their faith carried them through their hardship. Many of us were brought to tears. I did not expect such a beautiful, powerful, harmonious sound to emerge from their tiny bodies, but I was completely blown away.
The entire trip, I had been questioning my own faith and wondering how the God I love so much could allow such devastation for such innocent people. However, when I saw the faith that the people of the camp carry in their hearts, I was completely refilled for my love of God and I felt strong. I was still feeling lost, and had a LOT to think about and process, but I felt capable of coming out of it on the other side a stronger, more capable and compassionate human being. I knew that I had to, Burma was depending on me. It is depending on us all. I felt filled with the strength and love of God and felt compelled to apply it to those in my life who need my strength right now. So many of us here are struggling emotionally and facing our own demons because we finally have distance from their origin. My friends are strong for me and I am strong for them. At home, my parents are strong for me, and I am strong for them. I remembered this beautiful symbiosis and in my weakest moment, I was filled with the knowing that I had the strength I needed to care for those in my life as well as for myself.
After all of that, I was so emotionally and physically exhausted, but was thrown straight into two weeks of preparing for finals. I had a 20 page paper about the abuse of migrant workers in Thailand, 2 take home finals, a Thai speech to prepare, and a Thai sit-down final to prepare for (not all of which is over with yet). Not to mention, my two best friends here are preparing to leave. Between all of that, my mom's health taking a (hopefully temporary) turn for the worst, and a tiny bit of social drama here, I was drowning. I was totally beaten down. I'm still not fully recovered. In the face of all that I was dealing with, I retreated. I turned into my school work, stopped exploring, stopped going out, stopped hanging out with my closest friends, and did everything I could to avoid my true feelings. I completely disconnected from myself and my emotions and my mind. Until today. It's time to stop. I am about to leave for a weeks vacation with 7 amazing girls from my trip, including my two very very close friends who are leaving for Cambodia at the end of the week. We are going to the island of Koh Chang, to hop from resort to resort and play on the beach! Although I will still have one take home final to complete, and still need to sort through all of the emotions I have been feeling here, I cannot shy away from what hurts me. I have 1 week left with two of the people I love most. I need to embrace the pain I feel over losing them. I need to embrace my struggle with what I've seen here and on the border of Burma. I need to embrace the fact that I am changing. I am seeing things that I like and don't like about myself. I am becoming a new person. I am learning patience and seeing that change takes time. I am growing and blossoming every second and truly coming into myself. Why would I want to run away from that? I don't. It's time to face these things head on. Embrace. Accept. Eb. Flow. This part of my trip is ending, and things are about to change drastically as the next quarter begins…the work load will increase, two people I love will no longer be here, and the whole dynamic of the group is bound to change some. In spite of this, I need to move forward fearlessly and embrace the change coming my way on my second half of my trip here. The strangest part is I can feel it all coming. Everything is building up to something. I just need to be patient.
At this point, I would like to ask you all to do me a favor. Educate yourselves on the issues in Burma. Then, pay it forward. It would mean the world to me if you would watch this video I’m linking below and then forward it to your friends and family. Then, ask them to do the same, and so on. Burma is extremely restricted in terms of media, and it is rare for such footage to leave the country. It is important that we speak for those that cannot speak for themselves. By helping Burma through this political turmoil, we are helping the world become a more peaceful place. Help me help them. Let’s do this together.
Movie Link...pay it forward, folks.
Movie Link...pay it forward, folks.
Be sure to look out for another blog post in about a week where I share with you all about my travels on the beautiful, tropical island of Koh Chang and talk about saying goodbye to two of the best friends I could ever hope to have. Until then, my lovely readers!! xo
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